It’s that time of year again! Placentas! Placentas! Placentas everywhere! When a mamma ewe has her darling little lambys, after they are all delivered safely, the attendant (read: M’Lady) knows that delivery is finished when the ewe finally passes her placenta. It’s a massive, slimy, gnarly, bloody mess. But M’Lady waits n watches for it, ’cause until it passes, there could still be another baby in there, and the job isna done till the placenta is OUT!
So, what does M’Lady do with it? Sometimes she dumps it into a bucket, in case she might want the vet to take a peek at it for summat. But mostly she disposes of it. This is where YourTruly comes in. She’ll wrap it in an old feed sack, then dump it in the trash. But, she doesna like to do this, ’cause sometimes she forgets to take the barn trash barrel out to the road for the garbage men to haul off. Then, when she forgets that the placenta is in there, it gets all stinky-heavenly smelling. Then, all the humans gag n choke, kinda ruinin’ the ambiance of the barn, y’know, so the regular way M’Lady gets rid of the placenta is:
SHE THROWS IT OUT IN THE COMPOST PILE WITH THE DIRTY STRAW.
So, you might ask me whereamIhanginouthesedays?
Need you ask? Every time we go out to the barn, or go for a walk, or go to the mail, M’Lady cannot find me. P – i – n – t – o! she’ll call. No answer. P -I – N – T – O! I ignore her. PINTO!!! COME!!! I can’t hear her. P – I – N – T – O!!! Nada. Leave me alone. I’m dining.
And really M’Lady, it’s not like the compost pile is so hidden or outa my reach. It’s not like you tried to keep it away from me. It’s right here! Right in the barnyard, fer cryin’ out loud! Whadda you expect me to do, I ask you? I’ma DOG fer heaven’s sake!
I wait all year long for placenta. It’s the same time every year – first the Christmas tree is put away, then it’s real snowy n cold n boring ’round here, then the snow melts, then the wind blows and the weather warms just a little bit… that’s when I know it’s PLACENTA TIME!
Placenta is so unimaginely delicious, it’s the most devine thing ever. I canna resist it. It’s slimy n slippery right outta my mouth. It’s surprisingly crunchy, n full o bursting flavor. After a few days in the pile, it takes on sorta a new characeristic, and a crust forms on the exposed parts, y’know, that the air touches.
I get all full to gorging. My belly is all achy. I waddle ’round, makin’ tracks from my bed to the compost pile n back again. My jaws hurt from chewing such a hard-to-hang-onto slimy excellence.
But my coat is GORGEOUS! Glossy! My eyes are bright! My teeth are shiny! Gleaming! The pet care companies can’t invent a coat-eye-teeth-care-product better n this stuff!
M’Lady says I’m disgusting, n get this, she wilna lemme kiss her! She says my breath is nasty! I say poo on you, M’Lady, this stuff is SUPURB NUTRITION!
You say placenta, and I say deliciousness! You say placenta, and I say deliciousness! Placenta! Deliciousness! Placenta! Deliciousness! Let’s call the whole thing off!
Well, gotta run! We’re headin’ out to the barn, er compost pile! Keep your tail waggin’!