Howdy folks! How’re ya doing, out there in HumanLand?
Well, I had to have another bath. It’s not like it’s every week, or even every month, or even every quarter. So, when I have on, its sorta a big ordeal. See, it happened this way. M’Lady was thinkin’ it was ’bout time for my quarterly bath. But, it’s a big hassled for her, plus YoursTruly doesna like it, plus it’s COLD outside, so she hasta do it in the tub. Anyhoo, she was outa workin’ the ewes, and I found summat smelly and heavenly to roll in.
I trotted out to the barn to help her, ’cause she’s always aneedin’ my help. When I got near her, she wrinkled up her nose and said, “Peeuuuuwwww Pinto! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?” Then she took a look at me, and I had this crusty crud all over my beautiful hair. She said “Pinto, really? What on earth did you roll in this time?”
Gosh M’Lady, I don’t know. But it was dead, and was really slimy and was i-r-r-i-s-t-a-b-l-e. I couldna help mesef!
Well! She wouldna let me inside the house, barely enough time to eat my dinner, I smelled that bad to her! And the worst part was that she wouldna let me onto the carpet, and I couldna sleep on my sheepskin rug right by her bed, and I had to sleep locked in the garage! Oh, the shame!
So, the next morning when she reached up high in the cupboard and got down the doggie shampoo and conditioner, and the big, old towels, and called me into her bathroom, I ran to her for my bath, lemmetellya!
This time, instead of the tub, she took me into BossMan’s big ol’ shower, with the glass walls and the swingy-showerhead-on-the-hose. She opened the glass door and told me to get in. Rather than dig in my heels, I trotted right into the shower having no idea how dreamy it would be. I just laid right down in the middle of the floor and waited for her!
She turned on the shower, took the flexible handle, and sprayed my whole body with lovely warm water! I’ve never had such luxury!
But, when the hot water hit that smelly, crusty crud, it activated the smell. The shower stall enclosed it, and even I was affected by the horridness of it. My eyes watered, my nose ran. It was turrible! Thankfully, M’Lady quickly doused me in lavender shampoo. Normally, I balk at this, but today, oh, what a relief! She scrubbed me, scrubbed every square inch of me. She scrubbed all that crud off me, scrubbed my ears, my tail and everythin’ in-between. It was a total body massage, and I sort got all melty and couldna stand.
And then, she rinsed me off with that new-fangled hand-held shower head. And then she spread about a gallon of “mane and tail” super-duper conditioner all over my body! Wow, did my coat feel slick and shiny!
And then, the best of all, she dried me with not one but two big ol’ bath towels. Rubbed and scrubbed all that water offa me. Ahhhhh, man, spa day is n-i-c-e.
So, now, I’m atryin’ real hard to resist rollin’ in horse poop or dead critters. ‘Cause I’m so purty and clean, and my tail feathers are fluffy!
Well, see ya! I’m agonna go (try to) curl up on M’Lady’s lap! Keep your tail waggin’!