I dug this funny little newspaper clipping out of a pile of other interesting tidbits that I hoard. It’s from the March/April 2008 edition of Happy Trails. Enjoy!
Oh! And some of the real definitions are in italics, so everyone can get the joke!
Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners. The hock is the hind middle leg joint of the horse
Stall: What your rig does at rush our in an unfamiliar city on the way to a big horse show. A stall is a room for a horse in a stable or barn.
A bit: What you have left in your pocket after you’ve been to your favorite tack shop. A bit is the part of the bridle that goes in the horse’s mouth.
Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse with something to chew on.
Horse Auction: What you think of having after your horse bucks you off.
Pinto.: Green coat pattern found on freshly washed, lightly colored horses left unattended for 2 minutes. Pintos are black or brown with white splotches.
Well-mannered: Hasn’t stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week.
Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from one’s knuckles. A rasp is a very large nail file, used to file down horses’ hooves.
Longing: Popular training method in which a horse exercises their owner by spinning them in circles until dizzy. Longing is where you have a very long lead on a horse, and they go around you in circles.
Gallop: Customary gait a horse chooses when returning back to the barn.
Nicely started: Longes, but not enough health insurance to even think about riding him
Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse fair food stands. Colic is a serious horse stomach ache.
Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly; a colt is a boy, a filly is a girl horse.
Filly: What your mare gives you when you want a colt!
Easy to load (in the horse trailer): Only takes 3 hours, 4 men, a 50lb bag of oats, and a tractor with loader
Easy to catch: In a 10 x 10 stall
Easy rider: Rides good in a horse trailer; not to be confused with “rideable.”
Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you.
Hives: What you get when you receive the vet bill for your 6 horses, 3 dogs, 4 cats and 1 donkey
Hobbles: Walking gait of a horse owner after their foot has been stepped on by their horse. Hobbles are strap that go around a horse’s pasterns (ankles) so he can’t run away.
Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure.
Dog house: What you’re in when you spend too much money on grooming supplies and pretty halters (the contraption that goes around their head when you’re leading them).
Light cribber: Can’t afford to build any more fencing or stalls for this buzz saw on four legs. Cribbing is chewing on wood – a bad habit for horses.
Three gaited horse: A horse that 1) trips, 2) stumbles, 3) falls. Most horses have 3 gaits – walk, trot and gallop.
