HOWDY FOLKS! Pinto the BlogDog here. We’ve been up at the ranch for a week and a half. M’Lady and TheBoss took off and went boating and fishing with FarmerEd and HisWifeLiz for 3 days! They left us here by ourselves! (Well, not really, Jenny and Cassi the DogLovers let us stay with them, and we got to come inside). Anyway, we didn’t get into any trouble attall while M’Lady was gone, ‘cept we laid into the coyotes. Not much. And we got to be fussed over by the DogLovers 🙂
Thought I’d stir things up a bit, and conduct an interview with Brodi, about an event that happened to him last week, down home at Sweet Hills Farm:
YoursTruly: So, Brodi, how was it, last week, with the hot weather?
Brodi: Absolute misery. Thought I was in a furnace, what with it being 108* outside, and my long, flowing hair. I thought I would melt right into the ground. M’Lady, bless ‘er, brought me inside, and I would lay right on top of the air-conditioning vent in the vinyl floor of the kitchen. I couldn’t move I was so hot.
YoursTruly: So, what happened last Tuesday?
Brodi: Well, TheFam was getting all packed up to leave for the ranch. I was excited, because I could see our food bowls, leashes andall going into the pile to go! And then…
YoursTruly: Yesssss, go on…
Brodi: M’Lady stared at me, I could tell she was thinkin’ hard. She put her hands on her hips, and said, “Brodi, that hair of yours has to go!” She walked out to the tackroom in the barn. She got this huge toolbox, so I thought nothing of it. She brought it to the backyard, and called me over to her. “Brodi! Come!” Oh boy, that tone always means trouble! I got suspicious, and dug in my heels. She dragged me over, and made me lay down on the grass and stay there!
YoursTruly: And, go on…
Brodi: She opened up the toolbox, and took out this huge steel contraption with sharp teeth, and buttons and knobs on it! I heard her say that it was the cattle clippers. It was GIGANTIC, it was longer than her arm! I thought that thing might cut me from stem to stern!
“No, no!” said I, “Please, please don’t use those monsterous clippers on me! Please us the little doggie clippers!”
“But,” said she, “you have enough tangly hair for a whole cow, and these super-sharp-titanium blades will slice through anything.”
“Oh, have mercy on me,” I wimpered! Then she pushed this button, that made the steel teeth go back and forth terribly fast, faster than the speed of sound, and it made this HUGE noise, like a steam locomotive!
YoursTruly: Really Brodi? I was there, it warn’t so noisy as that.
Brodi: OK, but it made a BIG rumbly noise! And then she ran it over my legs and back and all over me, and all my hair started falling off in clumps on the grass! And she wouldn’t let me move. If I twitched, or flinched, or anything, she held me and said, “Quiet Brodi, it’s OK.” It wasn’t OK!!! It was not OK attall! She even ran that thing over my nether-regions! I was scart she would cut somethin’ off!
YoursTruly: Really Brodi? You don’t have much of anythin’ to cut off, as you well know.
Brodi: Well, anyway, I was scart that she would cut off what I do have! After a bit, she let me up to “take a break,” and then TheFam laughed and laughed at me, ’cause I had these shaved patches all over my body! I looked like a mange-ridden hippie-dog, not the beautiful Golden Retriever that I am! Then, when ClayMan showed up, I thought, thank goodness he’ll save me, ’cause he loves me best of all. Then HE made me lay down again, and he was laughing at me too, so hard he could barely contain himself! And then he turned on the monster-contraption and ran it all over me!
|ClayMan shaving Brodi, who has no shame.|
YoursTruly: Pray, go on…
Brodi: I thought ClayMan loved me, but he was mean and made me lay still Brodi! And he kept shaving my beautiful hair off in ugly patches. Finally, he gave me “a break” and I wandered around all flea-bitten and pitiful.
After a bit, M’Lady got after it again. And this time, she didn’t let up till I was hairless!!!!! Oh, I was naked and it was so breezy and drafty! I felt so embarassed! TheFam was all laughin’, and I tried to hide my face….
YoursTruly: Yes, but Brodi, what’s the final story?
Brodi: Ask me if I care if everyone laughs at me because I’m naked.
|Brodi, clean shaven (YoursTruly in the foreground).
Doesn’t Brodi look like a different dog? Man! He’s so handsome!
YoursTruly: Do you care if everyone laughs at you because you’re naked?
Brodi: No! I feel wonderful! I have no hairy hair! People don’t even recognize me! I’m cool and light, I can dance and run! I’m not hot anymore and I’m happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy!!!!!
YoursTruly: Yes, yes, we can see that Brodi. You’re a different dog.
Well, gotta go! Catchya on the lowdown!
Keep your tail waggin!